Tips for Managing Uncertainty

This is a wildly abstract time. So how can we help our kids who are used to routine and predictability process what is happening? Stick to the facts, and stick to things we can control when explaining things to them. Here are some guidelines for helping kids understand and make it through these times.

1.     Focus on what we CAN do, not what we can’t do. When we say “we can’t…” it can be distressing for our kids and it puts the focus on what is being lost right now, which can yield more feelings of anger and uncertainty, as the appearance of something being taken away is made. Instead we can use “we can…” phrases to remind our kids of the things we still can do right now, and try to focus on the positive.

 Instead of: We can’t go to school in person.

Try: We can learn at home.

Instead of: We can’t play with friends right now.

Try: We can see our friends online, or call them on the phone.

2.     When it comes to illness, explain how we will stay healthy, instead of how we will keep from getting sick.  I know that my kids, having lost a family member to Covid-19, are very fearful of this virus.  The dangers of getting sick are very real in our lives and in our home, the stress is high in regards to this issue.  Also, be positive about taking precautions so you can model this for your child!

Instead of: We have to try to not get sick.

Try: To be healthy, we can wash our hands more and wear masks when we are around other people.

 3.     Recognize that some things are not going to have concrete answers right now and this is ok. Be honest, but positive. The hardest part of this virus for me, is having no timeline for when we will be able to begin to transition back to our regular lives.  My heart crumbles when my kids ask, “when will this be over?” I try to tell them that I honestly don’t know, but that as soon as it is safe again, I will tell them!  Always remind them that you are doing everything you can to keep them safe and comfortable for now.

4.     When things are unpredictable, provide predictability that you can control.  The world around us is unstable right now. We do not know when things will reopen, we don’t know when the kids will be back in school and when they do go back, we could be facing repeated closing and re-openings. This can be extremely hard on kids, specifically those with disabilities. Combat this by providing as much stability and predictability while you are at home.  Have a schedule for your day and stick to it when you can. Bedtimes and wake times, meals and other daily activities being completed on a similar schedule day to day can be very settling for children. Reward your child for being flexible or for appropriately expressing concerns. Establish routines for school work and reach out to your child’s teachers when you need help.