Reinforcement: How our actions affect our children

Years ago, I was on the phone with my boss and one of my kids was repeatedly interrupting our call. I kept asking her to stop talking to me and to please wait until I was off the phone to ask for what she wanted. Finally, in a fit of frustration, I said, “go get some skittles, there are some in the drawer,” as I knew that the skittles would distract her from talking to me and I would be able to complete my phone call in peace.  There was a short silence on the other end of the phone as my boss paused and then said, “did you just give her candy after she interrupted you?”  In a behavioral context, I had not chosen the correct response.  That’s a pretty big offense for a behavior analyst, to reward inappropriate behaviors, but such is life and in that moment, that’s what I picked to do.  Most responses we make are a choice. Did it help me in the moment? Yes. She was quiet and I got to finish my call. Did it help me in the long run? No. Because, the next time I got on a work call at home, she believed that if she interrupted me, I would give her candy to be quiet.  Kids are smart. They often learn quickly how to get the candy. 

Behavior change is directly linked to the responses that behaviors elicit. What this means is that the things that happen after a behavior occurs are going to affect whether or not the behaviors will happen again.  Behaviors happen in a sequence as follows.

1.     Something happens that triggers the behavior

2.     The Behavior happens

3.     Something else happens in response to the behavior.

This list of three things is sometimes called “The Three Term Contingency” or the “ABCs of Behavior” (in which case, you can replace the 1.2.3. above with A.B.C.). A stands for ANTECEDENT (what happens before), B stands for BEHAVIOR (what happens) and C stands for CONSEQUENCE (what happens after).  This list of three things is the entire basis of ABA.  In practice of the science, behavior analysts arrange situations that set up conditions under which certain behaviors are likely to happen or not happen (#1) and come up with the best plan for responses (#3) that will help a learner learn to do the right thing (#2).  Let’s look at these three steps in relation to the scenario above, when I was on the phone with my boss.

1.     Parent is on the phone, child wants something (If she wants something, she will ask) ANTECEDENT

2.     Child interrupts (the behavior in this case is “interrupting”). BEHAVIOR

3.     Parent gives child candy (the response is that when the child interrupts, she gets candy) CONSEQUENCE

With some practice, anyone could probably look at a situation in their own life and fill in the blanks for 1, 2, and 3 above. But, the real magic comes when we watch patterns in behavior over time. We need to remember that behavior change takes time and what may help us in the moment (like the candy) probably won’t actually help in the long run.  If we want lasting change, we have to think past the moment we are in and have a plan in place.