Day Four of Quarantine

Written on 3/17/2020

It’s been four days since they closed my kids’ schools. As of now, they are closed for three weeks, but realistically, we all know it will be much longer.  Like most moms of school aged kids across our country, I have essentially become a homeschooling mom over night.  Except I’m not just homeschooling. I’m homeschooling a child with special needs who requires constant supervision to keep her safe. And at the same time, I’m also supposed to be homeschooling my 5th grader who honestly has gotten zero attention from me in four days because I can’t turn my back on my 3rd grader for a second.  Over the weekend, she was crying and crying about the changes in routine, too little to understand what is happening and why her school, her routine, was closing. Yesterday I turned my back and she fell and cleared an entire nightstand full of things in the process, hurting her hand and arm.  Today I turned my back and she choked.  I turned around to see her struggling for air and had to swoop her up into the Heimlich maneuver, while slamming my hip against the kitchen counter in the process.  After dinner, she took herself to the bathroom and forgot to pull up her adorable St. Patrick’s Day Dress and peed all over it and the floor. Earlier today, she coughed and my heart stopped for a second because she has asthma and a crappy immune system I’m in constant fear that she will get sick, or that I will get sick and not be able to care for her.  I’m tired and its only day four.  I want to curl up in a ball and cry about the heartache that is happening across the world, but I have to hold it together and keep my eyes on my kid. At all times.  I can’t put on Netflix and take myself to the other room for a break, because if I do, she will be getting into something or get hurt.  

I’m not telling you these things because I want you to feel sorry for me. I don’t. I love my children more than life itself and I’m happy to do the things I need to do right now to keep my family safe and I’m forever grateful that my situation is flexible enough that I can be here with them all day everyday without too much stress of dealing with work or childcare or other commitments. I’m thankful that I have the skills to teach my children and to deal with behaviors and I’m thankful to have the support of a husband who gives me breaks and helps.  Most of all I’m thankful that my children have been relatively good, have adjusted relatively well to the routine and seem to be enjoying the activities we are doing together at home.  The reason I’m telling you these things is because the situations of the hundreds of thousands of parents of children with special needs right now across the country are not just like mine.  There are parents who have children who are extremely aggressive and their only breaks or downtime or time to feel safe are when their child is at school. There are parents who don’t have the skills or education to work with their children at home, to be able to manage their behaviors or to know how to help them try to continue to learn during this unbelievably hard time. Typically, parents of children with special needs rely heavily on their support providers.  We are so grateful to the teachers, therapists and respite providers who are such strong and valuable members of the teams that help our kiddos learn on a daily basis.  Right now, across the world, parents of children with special needs are doing this alone. Without their teams, without their families and friends, and they are tired.  My heart goes out to all the families who are becoming their child’s everything overnight and I wish you so much luck as you try to navigate these new schedules.

If you have a friend who is a parent of a child with special needs, check on them during this insanely crazy time.  Understand that while many typically developing children are playing in their rooms, doing school work on their own or with only a little support or watching a movie and some parents are reading or folding laundry, doing a conference call for their job or cleaning, they might be literally trying to keep their child alive.   Many parents of children with special needs can tend to isolate themselves in general, but forced isolation is probably one of the hardest things that could befall a special needs parent. 

For those of you who are trying to navigate this new way of life, I see you. I wish you all the luck in the world and I will pray that each of your children settles into a routine that is manageable and safe as the days tick by.  We can at the very least be thankful that every day that goes by is one day closer to being done with quarantine!

I find myself struggling right now because my first line of defense when someone is going through something hard is to say, “can I do anything to help you?” But right now, there is literally NOTHING than I can physically do to help most people.  One way that I can try to help people virtually though, is to share my ideas for activities and instruction with families virtually through this site, Facebook and Instagram.  Check out my behavioral blog for education in the area of ABA or in the “Teaching Social Skills in Social Isolation” (Teaching Tips) heading at the top of my homepage.  I believe that we will get through this and that we can do it, from home, physically apart, but together at the same time.