The Phase we are In

When it comes to parenting, a lot of times we learn about the hard stuff by watching other people go through it first. We observe our friend with older kids, or listen to stories passed down from older parents. And sometimes, that one friend, you know, the one who usually goes a little too far but you still appreciate her, will forewarn you randomly about all the shit that is to come.  And that can all be pretty helpful, because as a group, I think we generally like to be prepared. But no one, NO ONE, not even that one friend who has lived through a million crazy scenarios, ever forewarned you that at some point in your parenting journey, you might find yourself quarantined to your home with any number of small children for an unspecified amount of time, while a crazy rampant virus is threatening the lives of millions of humans right outside your door.  We are actively living this and I still can’t even believe that I just wrote that sentence.

My favorite singer, John Craigie, has this beautiful and sweet song called “What Phase is This?” and it’s about all the phases we go through in life and how he wonders, “how long will I get to keep this phase?” These days I find myself thinking “What Phase is This?” and asking myself “how long do I HAVE to keep this phase?” This isn’t teething, this isn’t the terrible twos, this isn’t the transition of buying a new house and moving or starting a new school or a new job, taking care of a child who is sick with a cold, or saying goodbye to a babysitter that you love when she moves away.  This isn’t any of the hard things that parents have done for years and years that we have watched them do, and watched them get through and that we know have a timeline.  This is new. This is a phase that no one alive right now has ever lived through.  We don’t know the timeline, and we don’t know how long it’s going to progress or how long it will last.

All I can say during this time is be kind to yourself. Be kind to your family and be thankful for anything you have that you can give thanks for. This is hard. It’s something that we don’t know how to do as a human race, but we are learning.  If you are trying to make the best of the situation, that is enough.  If you need to take a break and walk away from your kids, take a break and walk away from your kids. If you want to go in the bathroom and cry, do it. It’s fine and its totally ok because this is a new phase and we are all just doing the best we can to learn how to live through it. 

So for me, today, as I ask myself, “What Phase is This?” I wonder what I will tell myself when this phase is over. When I look back, maybe I’m going to tell myself that this is the phase where I learned that my family should always come before work, the phase where I learned that if we put our minds to it, we really can sit down as a whole family every single night of the week and eat dinner together, the phase where I learned that though my kids fight sometimes, they really do love each other and their relationship is so special and unique, the phase where I realized that we really should keep on top of grooming our giant dogs regularly because we had been putting it off and now our house is full of hair and I feel like all I do is vacuum, the phase where I really and truly learned how to prepare for larger scale disasters, the phase where I learned how to sew face masks, and how to wash groceries when they came through the door, the phase where I learned that we can do hard things. We can do the hardest things. We will get through this. This phase will end at some point and I have a feeling that things from here on out are going to be different because of it, but maybe they will be even better than we imagined because we got through this phase. 

So, for you, what phase is this?  What do you hope to see when you look back on this phase once it ends?  

Listen to the Song Here: “What Phase is This?” By John Craigie